


Baby Got Back

by Purple_ducky00



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Kidnapping, M/M, Tony has a big butt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26452483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purple_ducky00/pseuds/Purple_ducky00
Summary: Based off the following excerpt fromKura.Based on real events: Bucky and Tony end up captured and are held in a cell of some sort Bucky: you're small enough. Maybe you can fit through Tony: I might be able to fit.starts trying to squeeze through legs firstoh no my ass is too fat
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 104
Collections: StarkBucksBingo2020





	Baby Got Back

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KuraKaw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuraKaw/gifts).



> Title: Baby Got Back
> 
> Author: Purple_ducky00
> 
> Square Filled: O1 Teammates of Starkbucks bingo
> 
> Warnings: Kidnapping
> 
> Pair: Bucky/Tony

“This is bullshit!” Tony yells and throws his popcorn at the screen. “Why do they always make the spaces between the bars in the cage so wide? All they have to do is step out, but no one is smart enough to do that apparently.”

Bruce shrugs. “Maybe they just look wider.”

“Or maybe it’s just laziness on the director’s part.” Tony retorts. “Legit, the smallest person can fit through there and pick the lock. Idiots.” He mutters.

Bucky chuckles and nuzzles into him. “Do you want to watch a different movie?”  
  
  


“No, I just want to complain.”

++++++++

_Is the Tower bugged?_ Tony wonders as he wakes up the next morning in a cage. Bucky is lying beside him. “Um… how the hell did we get in here?” He asks.

Bucky opens his eyes and sits up. “I… don’t know.”

“If this is a prank of Clint’s or something, I am totally going to kill him.” Tony threatens, then yells, “Do you hear that motherfucker? I am going to _kill you!_ ”

“I… don’t think this is a prank.” Bucky looks around the room. “I don’t know where we are, and I normally can tell if Clint or Nat did something. This is not them.”

Tony groans. “Great. Lovely. How do we… are you _fucking_ kidding me?” Just like the movie they had watched the night before, spaces between the cage bars are rather large gaps. Bucky seems to pick up on this just as quickly.

“Tony… do you think you can get out of this?”

“Pfft. Of course. Why wouldn’t I be able to?” Tony walks over to a cage wall. Sticking a leg through, he moves to scoot the rest of his body out of the cage. “Oh, for fuck’s sake… My ass is too big.”

Surely enough, Tony is stuck. His leg on the outside of the cage, and the rest of his body on the inside. Bucky snorts. “It’s not funny!” Tony insists. He tries pushing his other leg through, but once again his progress is stopped by his ass hitting the bar of the cage. Tony lets out a string of curses that make Bucky’s ears turn red.

“Whoa darling. Who knew you had such a mouth on you?” Bucky grins.

If looks could kill, Bucky would be dead at this point. “Pull me back in here.” Tony grumbles. Bucky pulls Tony back into the cage. “Now what do you think about my ass?” He glares at Bucky.

“Still the best one out there, darling. Come here, lets figure out how else to get out of here.”

They try bending the metal on the bars, but to no avail. Tony attempts to reach around and jimmy the lock but his arms were too short. He’s finally able to send a signal to JARVIS. Steve and the others show up not too long after. Steve appraises the cage, looks over at Tony, and smirks. “Wait, don’t you want to squeeze out of there and pick the lock?”

Tony growls. Bucky throws back his head and laughs. “What was that? I can’t hear you.” Steve puts his hand on his ear.

“I said my fucking ass is too fucking fat to fit through the **_fucking cage._ **You happy?”

The team laughs as Natasha picks the lock. She told them that Deadpool had hacked into the security feeds and decided to play a prank on them. He confessed to making the bars just close enough to prevent Tony’s ass from fitting through. “When I asked him how he knew the measurements of your hindquarters, he just laughed, said ‘math’, and ran away. Want us to go after him?”

“No.” Tony shakes his head. “I do have to find out how he hacked into the security feeds.” His eyes latch on Spiderman, who is strangely quiet. “Parker? Do you have any insight?”

“Sorry Mr. Stark. He offered me $20 and free Taco Bell. I couldn’t pass that up.” Peter shrugs.

“I literally can give you as much money as you want. All you have to do is ask.”

“Explain the free Taco Bell, though.” Clint crosses his arms. “I know for a fact that you swore to never send any of your money towards Taco Bell again since their double chalupa give you diarrhea.”

Spiderman seems to gather confidence from that comment. “Yes, Mr. Stark. Please explain.”

Tony just groans loudly. “I’m gonna kill Wade.”


End file.
